Episode #149: The "F" word
In today’s podcast episode I’m talking about the thing that no one wants to talk about.
It’s every entrepreneurs most hated thing.
We avoid it like the plague.
We do everything in our power to make sure it doesn’t happen in our business.
And yet, is unavoidable, no matter how much prep, advice, coaching, and/or experience you have.
And that thing is FAILURE.
Let’s just call it like it is, failure SUCKS. I wish I could tell you that when you get to a certain point or level in your business you become immune to failure. But unfortunately that’s simply not true. Granted, failure looks and feels different depending on what stage you are at in your business, but nonetheless it happens and we MUST learn how to not only cope with it, but also harness the power of it.
Bottom line: failure happens. And pretending that it doesn’t, doesn’t serve you, your business, your clients, or your future clients.
It’s how we move through our failure that determines what will happen next. And it’s all a matter of choice. CHOOSING to move on, or CHOOSING to let it consume you, will define you, in an amazing way, or in the worst way possible. Either way, it’s a choice that you make and I really want to hone in on that. You get to choose your “what’s next?” So, what will you choose?
Let’s walk through some strategies to not only acknowledge your failure to but to help you move through your experience.
1. Reframe what happened.
Failure is only a bad thing if you make it a bad thing. Now I’m not diminishing it or saying that it doesn’t royally suck sometimes, but failure is nothing but information. This is where disconnecting from the outcome comes into play. I’m sure you’ve heard of this before, but there needs to be something that brings you joy even if you don’t accomplish your goal.
So let’s say you get on a sales call with an absolutely ideal client. You know you can help her in a BIG way, she’s ideal through and through. You have an amazing chat with her, you pitch her your service, she says it sounds amazing, but that she does need to think about it and run the numbers. Y’all set up a follow up call for 3 days later.
Right now, in this part of the sales process you need to feel GOOD. You did your best, you served her in a big way, you showed her what was possible, and you had a genuine connection. This should be and needs to be enough for you. Regardless of the outcome of that call that you have in 3 days, you need to feel amazing about the entire experience.
So let’s go back to the idea that failure is only information. When something doesn’t go your way, it’s just telling you that this thing that you did isn’t the best way that YOU can do something. That maybe something needs to be tweaked or shifted. Failure doesn’t define you. Failure doesn’t influence your self-worth or your worth to the world or to your family. Failure happens, and as an entrepreneur it’s going to happen A LOT.
I honestly think we fail more often than we succeed. And if we let ourselves get completely wrapped up in that failure, then we’re NEVER going to survive as an entrepreneur. You absolutely have to learn to cope, deal, and most importantly, move past failures in your business. And I truly believe that the first step is reframing how you think about failure.
2. What did you learn?
Now, the next thing I want you to do is to focus on what you learned from this experience.
Maybe you didn’t hit your goal on your group coaching program launch. You did a 4-week launch and by the end you were totally burnt out. And to pour salt on your wound, no one bought. So instead of playing the guessing game and trying to figure out what might have happened, go back through the launch with a fine tooth comb.
If you’re feeling totally burnt out, why?
Did things pop up that you weren’t expecting?
Was the launch live and did it dominate your already busy schedule?
Did you find it hard to keep your energy up?
Did your Facebook Ads cost more than you had budgeted for?
Was your audience primed enough for the program?
Did you do your market research to validate the need/desire for the program?
Were your launch email stats not so great?
Go back through your launch and record what happened. This includes the format of the launch, how you showed up for the launch, the stats from everything, all of the content, EVERYTHING! This should take you some time and if you don’t have the time to do it, hire someone to do it for you. A Virtual Assistant can totally go back through and do this for you, especially if you’re feeling some resistance to it AND a VA can probably do this a whole heck of a lot faster than you could because they’re not emotionally invested in it like you are.
After every single launch I do, this is something I sit down and do for an entire day. And so when I’m preparing to launch that program again, I can go back to these notes and revisit what I did last time to make this next launch even more successful.
3. Journal about it.
I think journaling is really important. And the reason why journaling is important is because it’s a judgement-free zone where you can leave your feelings and fears. As much work as we can do around a failure, it’s still hard. Our businesses are emotional. For many of us we feel a strong connection to our business and it’s very wrapped up in our personal lives. So when we fail, it’s not just a business thing, it can turn into a life thing, if we let it. Now to prevent it from turning into a life thing, it’s important to get all of your negativity, hurt, pain, fear, and whatever else is coming up, out. And a great place to do this is your journal.
Journaling looks different for everyone but I really love free writing to help me process my emotions after something doesn’t work out how I want it to. I allow myself 10 or 15 minutes to just write. It’s very much so a stream of consciousness, but after I’m done, I feel so much better. It’s actually really freeing. And then what I do is I go back and read what I wrote and “out logic it”. And I have no idea if this is something that journaling experts would recommend, but it works for me and so I’m going to share it with you!
I draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left side I write down all of my fear-filled, irrational thoughts. You know the Final Destination-style thoughts that revolve around my failure and impending demise. Things like, “No one’s ever going to buy from me ever again.” Or “I’m such a fraud and I am the worst person in the world at what I do.” “A 7-figure business by the time you’re 40 is absolutely ABSURD, I don’t deserve that kind of success.” You know, the things that pop up when you spiral.
Then on the right side I “out logic” those thoughts. I write what’s true and I reframe my thoughts. So for the “No one’s ever going to buy from me ever again.”, I reframe it to say “My clients are out there, I just need to keep showing up and serving, and offering up my programs/services. When I show up consistently and my cup is full, I can serve in a bigger way.” See what I did there? I spoke the actual truth over my fear. And what this does is it allows me to really acknowledge and feel what the truth is here.
4. Tell the important adults in your life how you’re feeling.
Now when you have a failure in your business and you’re super bummed about it and you’re feeling all kinds of insecure or vulnerable or like an imposter, you have to tell the adults you live with, what’s going on.
I’m an enneagram 9, the people pleaser, so this one is really hard for me sometimes. I don’t want to ever burden anyone else with my problems. But, if I keep everything bottled up and put on a brave face and pretend everything’s totally fine, my frustration crops up at very unfortunate times, causing much more pain and confusion than if I would just own how I’m feeling outright.
In my home, we have a rule. Everyday at night, for 5 minutes tops, I tell Teer how I’m feeling and he tells me how he’s feeling. This is a time for us to dump out our emotions and for the other person to listen. The person on the receiving end doesn’t offer up solutions, it’s a time for them to say, “I hear you, I acknowledge how you’re feeling.” and that’s it.
It’s important that the people you live with that have a fully developed brain know how you’re doing. Your kids don’t need to know everything. I do think they need to know that you failed, it’s an important lesson for them as much as it is for you, but they don’t need to know it all. And it’s not their responsibility to absorb those feelings either. So make sure that you’re doing this with the right person, for me that’s Teer, for you it might be someone other than your spouse.
5. Distract yourself.
The next thing that you need to do is distract yourself. I’m not saying you pretend that nothing happened, denial isn’t healthy. But what I am saying is that you need to still do things that make you feel more like you.
Early on in my business when I would have a failure, I would punish myself. Like, I wouldn’t allow myself to go to yoga, I would tell myself that I didn’t deserve to workout that day because I needed to figure out what went wrong with this thing, when in reality that was the absolute worst thing to do.
Forgetting or intentionally limiting the things that fill up your cup as a response to a failure simply doesn’t work. If anything during this time it’s even more vitally important to do those things that make you feel more like you. Depriving yourself of the things that bring you joy isn’t healthy in any sense, especially as you recover from a failure.
Maybe take a few days to focus on having fun, or an afternoon massage, or some quiet time at a coffee shop, whatever it is, do it, and even more so to help you feel more like YOU. Connecting back to you, your joy, and the things that you do for fun will help you to bounce back quicker, stronger, and with more intention and focus.
6. Lean on people who have “been there, done that”.
Oftentimes this is your coach or mentor. This individual is there to help you, you’re usually paying this person a big chunk of change, so use this investment! Odds are she’s probably experienced something like this in the past and can help you to process it, acknowledge it, and then move past it. She can share her experience with you and then help you to figure out how to cope. But the thing that she won’t let you do is let it define you.
One of the women in my Legacy Mastermind this year had a totally botched launch. She launched this program and NO ONE bought. She was so frustrated and came to me feeling so burnt out. She showed up in such a big way during her launch and felt she served in a new level, and was hurt, quite honestly. And rightfully so. She poured her heart and soul into her launch and that energy wasn’t reciprocated. So when she came to me with how she was feeling and shared her experience, I was able to help her move through it in a way that honored her feelings, but also didn’t let her live with them. She leaned into how she was feeling, was able to process her thoughts in a safe space, and eventually she moved past her feelings and now is in the process of launching a new program that actually serves her in a bigger way, that will allow her to show up for her clients in a bigger way.
Truly, I believe she had to go through that failed launch, in order to fully step into what she is experiencing now. And she’s killing it. Clients are coming out of the woodwork to work with her and I’m so incredibly happy for her.
But because of the relationship we have, we can have these kinds of conversations, because I too, have had more than my fair share of failed launches. And so we were able to have a really honest conversation about that.
Now you’ll also notice here that I said, for you to “lean on people who have ‘been there, done that’”. These people who you go to during this time, need to be people who have experienced similar things to what you’re experiencing. Your spouse who doesn’t have an online business, your best friend who doesn’t have an online business, your co-worker who doesn’t have an online business don’t get a say here. If they haven’t walked the same journey (or at least a similar journey) as you, they don’t get an opinion.
Dive deep here. My husband is a pastor. He works 60 hour weeks. He sees people in their darkest days and in their moments of joy. He councils people, he grieves with people, and he has people tell him their deepest dark secrets because of the trust they have in him. And because I don’t do that and serve in that way, I don’t get an opinion in his job. Sure, I can sympathize and try to support him, but at the end of the day, I don’t get it. And I never will because I’m not in ministry in the way he is in ministry. This makes sense, right?
THE SAME GOES FOR YOUR BUSINESS.
If you’re in network marketing, you don’t seek advice from someone who has never been in network marketing. If you’re a course creator, you don’t seek advice from someone who has an active model.
You seek advice from someone who has “been there, done that”. And outside of that? No one else gets an opinion.
Now, if you have the desire, the dream, the goal to create a thriving 6-figure business on your terms for 2020, then I want to invite you to consider the Legacy Mastermind. I’m chasing down my third 6-figure year this year in my business all while working less than ever and truly leaning into my program and services and the impact they make.
The entire purpose of the Mastermind is to surround you with women who are just as ambitious as you are AND to support you as you chase down and capture your first 6-figure year. Through group accountability calls, 1:1 goal setting calls with me, and our in-person retreats you can expect to get the tools, mindset work, accountability, and practical strategies that can and will help you to create a 6-figure business on your terms in 2020. Enrollment is now open and if you enroll this month (there’s only a few more days left) you also snag some pretty SWEET bonuses as a thank you from me to you!
Visit www.allisonhardy.com/legacy to learn more about the Mastermind and to book you call to talk with our Enrollment Team.
RESOURCES:
If you have a clear vision for a 6-figure business in 2020 but aren’t sure of the HOW, then the Legacy Mastermind might be a great fit for you! Enrollment is now open for 2020. Learn about the program and check out October’s enrollment bonus!
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